Open the door – you have lived with this shame all your life. Now is the time to grieve/heal your childhood molestation by speaking your truth and mourning the loss of innocence! Being molested as a child is NOT YOUR FAULT. Abused children DID not have sex with a person – they were sexually abused. Physical touch/attraction is normal for the body to experience pleasure and it does not mean you wanted it. Even if you went back to the molester, it is not your fault. You may have needed attention, love, concern, companionship, etc. Being molested does not make you gay. The latest statistics of children who are molested are 1 in every 3 girls and 1 in every 6 boys! That is outrageous and unacceptable and it is not your fault. An adult was responsible, not you. Take the step to heal now and get help through therapy to start stating your truth and starting the healing process. If there are enough members for a group, a support group may start in 2011. Throughout my practice I have helped individuals, both men and women, straight and gay, to heal and eliminate the unnecessary shame. If you are interested in coming to therapy and you have abused substances or have been sexually compulsive as an adult, I would suggest that you consider a 12 step meeting as well to supplement your therapy. Call now and make a difference in your life and don’t let the past ruin your new adult relationships.
Sexual Abuse
Whenever one person dominates and exploits another person through sexual activity or suggestion, using sexual feelings and behavior to degrade, humiliate, control, injure or misuse, this qualifies as sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is an unequal relationship with a violation of a position of trust, power and protection, “an act on a child who lacks emotional & intellectual maturation.” It promotes sexual secrecy among its victims, so that even their own sexual drives, libido, orientation and desires become secrets to themselves.
Overt sexual abuse involves direct touching, fondling and intercourse, against a person’s will. A few examples include French kissing, fellatio, sodomy, penetration with objects, genitals and fingers, and masturbation. Use of force is typically involved-often physical, but more often psychological or emotional, such as difference in status or experience, as in employee/employer, adult/child, older boy/younger boy. Sexual abuse also includes when a child is forced / threatened to watch a molester masturbate. This does NOT make you gay!
Covert sexual abuse is more subtle and indirect. Examples of this include prolonged hugs, sexual stares, inappropriate comments about body parts such as buttocks or genitals, shaming someone for the kind of man they are, (or more frequently, homophobic name-calling), or treating a child as an adult or even a partner for emotional support. Deal with this today so you never risk suicide at a later life. Open your heart to receive support and self-soothing and reparent yourself NOW. Don’t waste another day of trying to deal with this – Sexual violation MUST be dealt with and lot ignored since it has long lasting effects on all your relationships. Are you on line all night looking for sex? People in recovery are highly recommended to contact me for maintenance of your recovery issues. We would only deal with this in your own time and I do not push anyone to look at anything until they are ready. Are you truly stuck looking tor casual and anonymous sex on the web? Sexual compulsives are wasting hours, days, nights, weeks, months, and years of their precious lives and getting no sleep all night because of this.
There can potentially be severe consequences if you ignore your past abuse. Many people who have past histories that get in the way of your present are self-loathing and they can start on other addictions such as diving into financial debt, sexual compulsion, gambling, drug abuse, and ignoring fear of intimacy – and in many other ways – to deny your feelings. Working though this in therapy is healing. THERE IS HOPE. THERE IS A WAY TO HEAL AND TO TRUST AGAIN.
I’ve received training in EMDR work to help with trauma and current stress. Please see EMDRIA.org website to learn more about what EMDR therapy is.
Click here to read A Tragic Story by Bill Zeller, January 2011